Things You'll NEVER Hear Them Say

Richard Dawkins: Science? Oh C'mon, God created it! Amen.

Pope Benedict XVI: Hey nigga, fuck you man!

Happy Potter (on watching Hermionie use the Levitation Charm towards the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts): Hey, that was like, real MAGIC, girl! How could you do that?

Karthik C.S: Oye launde chal daaru peeke aate hain!

Prateek Chaturvedi: Dude, you really consume alcohol? Don't you know it's prohibited out here?

Michael Jackson: KEEP THOSE LITTLE KIDS AWAY FROM ME! I hate 'em.

Holden J. Caufield: Who me? I'm real stupid.

Mahatma Gandhi: Maaro saale ko! Maaro!

Andrew Wiles: How did I prove what? Oh that?! It was just a random dream...

Arpan Saha: Masturbation? Err...what's what? (looks up in his e-dictionary)

Arpan Saha: RG? Who's she? (looks up in his facebook friends' list)

Anuj Shah: Hey, let's bunk tomorrow's IC lecture man, that prof. is so boring!

Oscar Wilde: Woo...that chick was hot!

Uncyclopedia founder: Oscar Wilde? Who the fuck is he?

Max Payne: I think I should sleep for a while, you know. I'm tired.

Sambre: Yaar PJ mat maar...meri khap jaati hai.

Kanitkar: Hostel enthu? Kya fart hai!

Mood-I CG: Acads pe dhyaan do, baaki sab fart hai.

Rakhi Sawant: I was AIR 73, IIT-JEE 1999.

India TV News Reader: Aur ab kuch aam khabrein...

Suryateja Gavva: I got a girlfriend!

AIR 1: I had a girlfriend!

Salhotra: Abey hostel elections ke chakkar mein mat pado, jaao midsem ke liye mugo!

Random Gulti: Main is parivesh mein dhal chuka hoon.

Random Ghati: Main is parivesh mein dhal chuka hoon.

Atal Bihari Vajpayee: *Says something*

Navjot Siddhu: *Keeps his mouth shut*

Harshvardhan: Mera bandiyon se give-up ho gaya hai yaar!

Srinath: Chemistry?? How bowwring!

DOSA: Here, boys, I have some 20 lakhs this year to contribute to Mood-I. Will that be enough? And you can always take my car.

Ravindra Jadeja: And then I hit that elegant cover drive....

Ashish Nehra: Hey, me too!

Vishy Anand: Let's play some cricket.

Dilip Tirkey: I was thinking about some chess though...

IITB Director: We don't need no...education...

Mihir Mogre: Chalo mentees...kal Rodas mein treat hai meri.

Sherlock Holmes: You're completely correct, Watson!

Watson: Oh yeah? Gimme some cocaine then.

Himanshu: Hindustani Classical? Dude, that's so old fashioned!

Hannibal Lectar: Vegetarian, is the way to be!

Ketav: Alright, enough! I won't show my teeth, EVER!

Majin-Buu: GOKU?? He's stronger than me! I won't fight him!

Jack Sparrow: Spare his life! Take mine.

Dhruv Vijay Mairal: Pr0n should be banned in NUJS.

Salman Rushdie: English, my friend, should be as simple as possible!

Rahul Sharma: Ma**r C**d! Teri Maa Ka Bh***a!

Master Chief: That hunter was pretty cute, no?

Rajnikanth: I can't fly.

Me: You say I'm just GOOD at debating? I'm GOD at debating! And that's the freaking point!

-I know I missed loads of them...I hope you guys contribute more through comments. I'll publish the good ones. :D

Chimpu...and Nothing to Do!

After all these months of inactivity, I actually have nothing significant to post. Honestly. You really have to be in a "mood" to start typing a blog post, and most importantly finish it. There are approximately half a dozen posts which I started and got up to 50%, and then abandoned them for reasons not properly known even to myself. Other than laziness, I mean. I hope I'll finally get the enthusiasm to finish them and post them soon. Hope runs the world. :D

Hey by the way, have you ever seen a dog chasing it's tail? Hahaha...it's so funny I tell you! I went to my neighbour's yesterday and they have this cute pomeranian who always comes around and keeps licking my feet. I went to their place after like, a year and he still remembered me! Dogs are more faithful than humans, I tell you. Go to a close friend's place after a year and he'll be like "Who are you? Fuck off, bitch!" Ok, at least my friends are that way. The bastards. Pomeranians are so much better.

So I was chatting with my neighbour, who unfortunately had to repeat his 12th standard, yet AGAIN! I never understood why that guy isn't serious at all towards his career. Even his parents are so aloof. It kills me. And that auntie, she's so phoney! She's the types who'll talk so sweetly and all with you when you're around but behind your back she'll be the first one to curse you. I hate such aunties. No wonder her son is a complete rascal.

Ok so, coming back to the point, as soon as the dog was finished licking my feet, it suddenly jumped down the stairs (we were sitting on the stairs), and started running around frantically, chasing its tail. I never understood why dogs love to chase their tails so much. Some people say that the poor creatures think their tail is some sort of a prey. But then, c'mon, even if dogs initially see their tails as bushy little squirrels, it shouldn't take them long to realize their mistake. I mean, they remember you even after they see you after a goddamn year, man. They can't be so stupid, no.

It's quite possible that some dogs catch a glimpse of their tails, get excited, and without thinking about it try to catch the pesky things. They rarely succeed, of course, but they still keep trying to chase them down, not once or twice, but all the time! They may simply think it's fun, specially when people they live with think it's fun too. Dogs generally happen to enjoy an appreciative audience, as much as I've learned from my experience of observing their habits. When they discover that something gets them a lot of attention, they'll keep doing it.

But this has a downside...some dogs will keep on performing their act even when the curtains are down! So with no one around, they still keep on chasing their tails, and then they run themselves ragged until they collapse in a panting heap on the floor.

And then they get up and do it again. Just like Chimpu did that day. Yes, Chimpu, that's the name that my neighbour has given to his dog. What a name! Chimpu. Couldn't he think of anything better and a little more sophisticated? No wonder that guy failed twice in his 12th.

So after an hour I was going back again, and Chimpu got up, started wagging it's tail and started licking my feet again. That dog is so nice I tell you! He hardly barks and always does crazy and funny things with people around (and sometimes when they aren't too). I almost felt like asking him about his tail-chasing sessions and all, and explaining to him why it was futile and why he'd never be able to make it unless his tail grows as long as a buffalo's. But then I realized I was not that good a communicator with dogs, so I decided against it. Chimpu is quite cute though, you know. Chimpu, what a name!

Anyway, enough of my idiocy, I just had to post something coz I hadn't since the last three months, plus I was in no mood of writing emo/psychological/philosophical/how_should_one_live_his_life_to_be_happy stuff this time round. And hence Chimpu. Hahaha. :|

And as a good friend of mine signs off,

Peace,

Rapunz.......uhuh!!

Anupam. :)