Part I: The Incident. The End.

"I'm not happy with you, Kshitij. Is that not enough? I know it hurts, but at times you have to be selfish. And please be quick, I don't have much balance and I can't recharge now."

I had not seen this coming so soon, no. Alright, I was aware that things were not going right. But I had always thought that everything would be great again, all problems will be sorted out in a single day, and life will be great as ever between me and Ritz.

I didn't know how to react to that. Tears started flowing incessantly. My throat was choked. I wanted to say a thousand things but nothing came out.

"Please, Ritu, don't do this. It's just a small problem. All will be great as ever again. Please, I'll change. Give me one more chance, please! I beg of you."

The usual story, begging, crying, pleading for one more chance, promising to change.

"It's over, Kshitij. It's not working now. I can't give you so much of my time everyday, you're too demanding. Frankly, I'm sick of all these obligations of talking and calling. I don't think we're destined to be together, Kshitij. It's not due to only some reasons. Please try to understand. I'm not happy with you, is that not enough for a reason?"

Those are the times when you hardly have any power of reasoning left in you. Those typical "Why? why? why?" and "Why me?"s are what engulf your mind.

"Don't do this to me, Ritz, please. I love you so much, still. I'll be shattered to death. Things can always work out. You're just angry, Ritu. Just cool down a bit, okay? Please. You're not in your senses. You're not like my Ritu. Just think over all of it again, Ritz, don't take this harsh a decision just because you're angry or pissed. Okay baby?"

"I'm sorry, Kshitij. I AM in my complete senses. And I have thought over it a thousand times. I'm not going to change my decision now at any cost. Accept the reality, will you? I don't love you any more. And honestly, I think I never did love you. I thought that I loved you, but I didn't. And stop all this 'love, feelings' crap, will you? Stop being so immature. You'll get loads of better girls than me, okay? Please, Kshitij, forget me and move on. Swear at me if that would help. I can say nothing more. My friends are waiting for me. I don't have time now."

I was crying like a wailing baby now. I had lost all senses of control, crossed all limits of sorrow. I think only the death of a loved one can come closer to the amount of gloom one gets in while being dumped like this.

I tried to say something, but all that came out was a faint "Pleeasse, Ritu, don't do this, please. For my sake. Don't be so selfish. I still love you Ritu, more than ever. Please, try to understand. Pleeaasee!"

I don't know how much I pleaded to her, in a last glimmer of a seemingly lost hope. But you can't always delay the inevitable each time. Life is sadly, not a bed of roses.

"YOU try to understand Kshitij. I don't want to talk about all that any more. It's over, and I have a life to live. Don't irritate me now by discussing it further, please. Just focus on your own life and let me foocus on mine. We can still be friends if you want. And for heaven's sake LET ME GO now, I'm getting late and I have some work with Abhay and he's getting pissed at me for being on the phone for so long."

The tide of hopelessness had swept in. Maybe some anger too, at the mention of that guy. How can some freaking Abhay get pissed when MY Ritu talks with ME?. I don't think she'd give a damn to any Abhay or Vijay or whoever while talking to me. Oh, how can she change so much? Is this real? Is this a dream? Will things be great again when I wake up tomorrow? I literally pinched myself. But that was stupid, even in any amount of senselessness.

I had stopped crying by then, and held myself up a bit. Some sense came back, and I turned more serious.
"Alright Ritu, I'm sorry to have taken up your time. Please forgive me for this, and for all the times I've made you feel bad. I really am very sorry."

"I have no time for your sarcasm, Kshitij. I'm hanging up now."

Blurting a sarcastic comment was obviously one of the worst thing to do at that time, but some things never change.

"Alright, just tell me one last thing. Is there some other guy involved? Please, Ritu, answer honestly if you've ever felt any wee bit of a thing for me."

"Why would YOU bother now, Kshitij? I don't understand. And anyway, other guy or anyone else has nothing to do with why I decided to break up. I gave you my reasons earlier, and those are the real reasons. Think whatever you want to now, I'm tired of explaining. I don't want to talk about all this, and don't call me back now. Bye! Take care."

And she hung up.

For some minutes I was completely emotionless. On the roof of the hostel, I was alone, beneath the starry night, staring at the stars. Enjoying their beauty, there were so many of them! What were we, insignificant human beings on an insignificant planet, smaller than the smallest quark with respect to the grand, majestic and indefinite universe. I laughed, laughed heartily, because of no reason. All of that was so stupid. All these emotions, crying, love, bla bla bla. I thought nothing more about the convo at that time. There was a cool breeze blowing, which was soothing my nerves. I went back to my room. Fatso was fast asleep. I rolled up my mattress and the bed-sheet, and took it somehow up the roof. Spreading it up, I slept to a hearty night's sleep. All was pleasant, calm and serene. Maybe all of that was really a dream, after all. There was nothing to worry about. Not a worry in the world.

Trying to be away from negative thoughts

This would be a common problem for people like me, people who think a lot, about the past, present, and the future. People who can get paranoid by just raking up a thought without actually anything happening, or at times turn surprisingly cheerful because something seems to work for them. But only in their head. It's the dream-future-world which changes it's form, not the real world.

It's a stupid thing, or put in layman terms, an immature thing. I call it a layman term in this scenario, because calling someone or something immature does not take into account the thousands of small links which actually makes him/her/it what he/she/it is. But stupid or immature, the fact is that it is undesirable. It is negative. It is not the way to be.

What we don't understand when a negative depressing thought enters our mind is the consequence. Or precisely, we don't try to understand. It does no good, a negative thought. It depresses you, it makes you unhappy. And there is no practical consequence of a negative thought, that is needless to say.

There are some simple methods to be away from negative thoughts. I don't know much about mind-control and stuff like that; I am not a spiritual guru. But what I do know is that mind-control is a great thing. It's the pinnacle of achievement for a human being, because he can then be calm and happy and cheerful under any circumstance. What more does one want, be it the poor villager or the exorbitantly rich industrialist?

Yeah so, coming back to the methods, which I think are useful under a lot of circumstances when one can potentially get depressed by a thought. Some simple things which can be practised easily.

1. Whenever you feel you are thinking about something which is depressing you, immediately try to visualize what consequence it will have on you. Not just visualize, try to feel it, re-create the situation for an instant, in your brain, when you are pissed and depressed and feel like nothing to do. And then say to yourself "why the heck was I thinking about that? I have other works to do." If you do it properly, it works. It worked for me, and I am no spiritual guru, as I said earlier.

2. Don't plan much about the future, or regret much about the past. It is useless, hopeless. Thinking about depressing things from the past is practically the most useless thing to do; it is of no good consequence whatsoever. And planning much about the future is actually an invitation to unhappiness; most plans actually don't end up the way we want them to, and it's a fact. It's better not to plan much, and if we do plan, we should be ready for a plan B and plan C. And still be ready for hte situation in which the plan C too may fail.

3. Try not to sit idle. It's an important thing. A busy mind will not be a host for the parasitic negative thoughts. It's the idle mind which is most vulnerable, for we always have the urge to "try out" a thought.

4. And then, try as much as you can, to be cheerful even in hopeless situations. People don't understand that being grim actually serves no practical purpose. And in people I include me too. It's not easy at all, I know, but if some effort is put in it will bear many fruits.


There might be many other infinite ways to be away from negative thoughts; I think a small browse through any "mind control" web page will make you learn a lot more than those seemingly obvious points I mentioned. But these were just some things which I tried in various situations, and actually felt that they work. :)

And yeah, these things might seem worthless and "get a life, dude!" kind of things to the hedonists, people who only gain happiness in what they say is "having fun." They think they're happy, they think all these "thoughts and stuff" are bullshit. But you know, to put it honestly, this happiness is actually fake happiness. It arises actually out the want to be happy, and not the need. There is a difference, and I think, in this case, the need is stronger than the want. Hedonists are actually ignorant, to put it blatantly.
Ignorance is a bliss, agreed, but one can't be ignorant for all of his/her life. Every child grows up. And when those bubbles of ignorance eventually vanish, they will actually understand how "happy" they are.

Yeah so, not to worry much about the hedonists, I'd certainly like to know if these things do work on anyone else, other than me. No, I actually don't expect anyone to read this post. People have better works to do, lol.

But I would like to know, nevertheless. I can only wait. :)