I believe not that you don't exist,
Though they perpetually say so.
They say it ain't possible, for you to be perfect.
But then you're so perfect, in those occult dreams of mine.
And I have them each time, and you're there, just the same.
You make me feel so great, it ain't possible to explain.
It maybe just your aura, or it is just your speech.
You're ever so beautiful, more from the inside than out.
I feel drunk, doped, insane, yet serene,
You just need to be there, just need to smile.
There's that childish innocence etched into you,
But you're as mature as any other being.
When you speak, planets cease to revolve,
Time stops, and there's nothing but your voice,
Echoing through thin air, enchanting everyone alive...
I know that you exist, for all that is so real.
I know you're no angel, I don't believe in angels.
You're a mortal, born out of your mother's womb,
As any other being, but you're ever so unique,
There's none like you, coz you are impeccable.
Yes, you are, and you'll come out of those dreams,
And kiss me so tender, there won't be night or day.
What would be is just me, you, and those butterflies,
Fluttering around and flapping their wings,
And creating typhoons in a far-flung universe...
~ 27th of December, 2009. 5:10 AM to 5:24 AM.
Fourteen minutes of joblessness.
Forty eight hours of sleeplessness.
Showing posts with label Love and all that crap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love and all that crap. Show all posts
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Part II: The Encounter. The Beginning.
You cannot get unluckier than this. You just, cannot. Consider my case, that Saturday night. This was the chain of events:
1. I had my MA-105 end-sem on Monday, and I had more than half of the course left. Talk about hating pure Math.
2. I was there all night, mugging as much I can in GG (Girish Gaitonde lecture hall in the electrical department, for the ignorant lot), and half of what I was reading wasn't going into my head, courtesy of almost two days of sleeplessness.
3. It was 5:45 AM, I was all alone, and was watching the sun rise, yet again for the fifteenth day in a row. The croaking of the innumerable crows outside were making it further difficult for me to concentrate, and I finally decided to go out and have a stroll.
4. No, sleeping was not an option. AT ALL. Do not direct your thoughts in that direction.
5. Out of the many places I could have gone to, I chose the lakeside. Finally some nice, serene place with no disturbance and perfect solitude, I thought.
6. And for the seven million and forty seventh time in my life, I was wrong. Lakeside was buzzing with angry-looking professors, some of them jogging around and some others trying to ape Baba Ramdev.
7. I also noticed Pooja Padhi (our HS-101 Microeconomics Professor) calling out for someone and giving me a disgruntled look. Talk about having a bad start for the day. I wondered how she even remembered my face...I'd hardly attended even 20% of her classes in the whole semester.
8. Pissed, I started moving further down the path which actually leads to the lake, and to the denser tree cover, in the hope of getting some solitude. Everyone other than myself was a piss-off at that point of time. Sleeplessness makes you get irritated quickly and for no reason.
9. I knew there were rumours of leopards roaming around at that part of the lakeside, and it still was quite dark, for there isn't proper sunlight before 6:45 AM in Bombay during winters. I hardly cared. I actually wished I found a leopard or something, for a change. My life was hell boring anyway.
10. Thankfully there was no one there. Apparently Ramdev hadn't taught the professors some exercise to shoo away leopards. I caught a strange glistening insect lingering on a small leaf some way down the side of the lake. I couldn't resist myself and went ahead to have a look.
11. Something happened just then...It wasn't a leopard as I'd anticipated, but was something surely no less dangerous than one, in terms of fatality. A long, brown snake came out right in front of me, from nowhere! It freaked the senses out of me, and as I turned back to run, it was a SLIP! SPLOSH! THUD!, and I was down and out. I looked around to check out the snake, thankfully it wasn't there now. But it surely booked my brand new Benetton T-Shirt for another round to the washing room, plus led to incessant bleeding in my right elbow. Now you know why you can't get unluckier than this, your MA-105 exam being just a little more than 24 hours away. For the next few minutes, I didn't even have the strength to get up. Something inside me wanted me to spend the next few hours lying stomach-down, cursing that unlucky day of January 1991 when the biggest loser ever was born, and tasting some more of the lakeside mud.
"Won't you even care to get up and move away from that filthy place?!".
"No!" I replied, "I don't want to. There's no point, something pathetic will happen to me again. I'm happy being here. At least some poor leopard family will get a week's meal."
Wait!
Why am I telling all that to a dreamy female voice?
Looking up, I saw a female hand extended towards me.
Another result of sleeplessness? I thought.
"Will you get up or not, stupid boy? I don't have all day with me here."
I held her hand and got up immediately. There is something in a strict female voice which makes you lose all your ego.
So she IS real after all, eh!
"Oh my! What a mess you've made of yourself?! And why the heck should you be here at this desolate place at this point of time?"
A scolding was the last thing my already pissed-off brain could have tolerated, that too from a girl.
"I can ask the second question to you too, miss. What are you, being alone, doing here, before the sunlight could even creep in? You came here to save me from the nature's wrath? Eh?"
"Yeah, that's what I came here for. Now would you mind getting out of this place or you want to wait for more wild animals to scare you?"
I didn't reply, just fell into step beside her and followed her out of that wild place. We didn't exchange a word. It was light by then, and now that I could see her more closely, I was awestruck. That, undoubtedly, was the most beautiful face I'd ever seen inside the IIT campus, and probably ever in my life. She was an inch shorter than me, and probably some two or three years older. Of course, she couldn't have been an undergrad there, or she would already have been the talk of the testosterone-charged undergraduate population, something which can hardly escape your ears if you are aware enough. She replied after some two minutes of silence.
"Hey, you're hurt! Here, take this bottle of water and wash your face and whatever else you can. I also have a first-aid kit with me. I keep it handy, whenever I move out for jogging."
She gave me the bottle and a band-aid from her bag.
"Thanks so much! Is someone in your family a Doctor, by the way?" I asked, after getting as much dirt out of my face and T-shirt as I could.
"No. Why?"
"Who on earth keeps a first-aid kit while going out for a casual jog?"
"Hehehe...I prefer being safe."
Somehow, her giggle irritated me more. Every damn thing was irritating.
"So, you're doing B.Tech? First year?"
"Integrated MS. First year, yeah."
"Won't you ask what I do, hero?"
She really was irritating. I'd have preferred being left alone, but then she helped me, and I couldn't have been rude.
"Ok, what do you do here, mademoiselle?"
"I've come here on a semester-long project in the Bio-School, starting from the next semester. I stay at a friend's place whose father is a professor here, so no problem of accommodation you see!"
I never asked her all those details. Hell, I'd caught up with one pesky female. I don't know why her being so beautiful was not affecting me a wee bit.
"Cool. So here comes the gate. You'll go the opposite side no? The professor's buildings are there."
"Nope, I'll go that side, towards the departments. I'm not tired yet, so! You're going that side too na? Good, I'll have some company. I'm usually alone while jogging, you know. Won't mind some company. Hehehe."
Damn!
And that giggle again. Killer. I was doomed.
After another round of silence, she finally broke in.
"So, something is troubling you from the inside, no? Tell me."
I looked at her, surprised.
"Chocolate?" She offered. I shook my head and walked on.
She unwrapped one and stuffed it into my hand. Females could be a thousand times more irritating than boys.
"So go on, tell me everything. What's the problem?"
Silence.
"HeLLO?"
Just keep on walking, and ignore her. She'll shut up automatically. I assured myself. That's the trick, Just keep on walking and be silent.
"Hello mister, I'm talking to you!" She poked my left arm with her over-grown nail.
I'd lost it then. I really had. Enough! I need solitude, and this is not helping me at all.
"What on EARTH is wrong with you? Okay, thanks for helping me and all, but I need SOLITUDE, do you get me? I have my MA-105 exam tomorrow and I haven't slept for the last two days and I got dumped four months ago by a girl whom I'd known for three years. And I'm GETTING IRRITATED BY EVERYTHING. Will you just LEAVE ME ALONE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE? PLEASE?"
Ten odd IIT Bombay professors stopped whatever they were doing, and turned towards us, eyes fixed. Bull! I never intended to be so loud.
Plus, one thing which I hadn't noticed was how close I'd gone to her in my harangue. I could almost observe the contours of her lips.*gulp*
I'd expected her to be mad. I could guess what would've been going through her mind, at that time.
Just look at this guy! I helped him when he was in complete mess, I'm being nice to him and all, and he's shouting at me as if I'm some roadside slut. Why not just kick him at a wrong place for this act of his?
But unexpectedly, she didn't seem to be angry. The professors continued on their usual monotonous routine, and we proceeded out of the lake-side area. I tried looking at her, and she was looking at me. Quizzically, and not crossly as I'd expected. I kept on walking.
I looked at her again, and her expression was the same.
"What?" I asked defensively.
"Nothing. Your chocolate is melting. Eat it."
"Sorry, I shouldn't have shouted."
"It's ok, mister tormented_by_life. And you still haven't answered my question."
sigh
"Told you no, exams and all. Academic pressure, when all you've studied throughout the semester is Philosophy and Arms & Ammunition and Pakistani music history instead of MA-105."
"Ahh. As if this is something new for you, mister Chatterjee. You've been doing this all your life, studying just before your exams. Spare this, and tell me about what happened with the girl."
"How in the name of crazy apples do you know.......??"
"Tell me, quick. I don't have much time. I'll move in a different direction from the YP gate, and that's where we are headed to right now, I feel."
Holy crap! This can't be happening to me. Just. Can't.
"SPEAK UP!"
"The usual story, sort of. We had been good friends for some two years, and been together for a year. Then she went to a different place. She changed, I didn't. I became a loser for her, someone who only cribs and is not 'fun' to be with and stuff. She thought other guys there were a lot cooler than me, she thought she was naive to have even liked me in the first place. She wanted to enjoy life and all...so, you know, she said I should start minding my own business from then on. In brief, this is all I can say."
"Aww...that's sad. But it's four months, dude. Shouldn't this have been enough for you to forget her?"
"You say this because you've never been through what I have been. Saying is way too easy, miss."
"So you still love her or something?"
"NO! That would be the most stupid thing I could do. It's over, finished! Gone!"
"Then you hate her because she's been a bitch?"
"No. I don't hate her or anything. She was a nice girl, and she had her reasons, and they were valid enough for her. Why should she become a bitch for wanting to be happy? Naah...nothing like that."
"No love. No hate. Then what the hell is the problem with you?"
"I don't know. Maybe I just want her to...apologize or something. For whatever she's made me go through."
"So you'll continue to be pissed until she apologizes, and literally be a loser."
Silence again.
"Honestly, you know, I don't even want her to apologize." I was looking at her now, and twisted my lips into smile, before continuing. "C'mon! that's not a big thing. It's really stupid, expecting her to apologize when she doesn't care, for a doughnut's sake!"
"You've thought out everything rationally enough. You have enough sense to know what is right. You have convinced yourself that you're being stupid, and you want to move on. WHY THE HELL should you be tormented then, and have no life, my dear boy?"
I knew she was right. Hell, I knew I was right!
Really, why the heck should I be??
We walked silently for the next few minutes. YP was visible by now. I looked at her. She smiled, and I smiled back. Suddenly, I was feeling...free! No irritation. The early morning felt pleasing. The trees, sparrows, pigeons, everything was as nice as before! I was flushed with gratitude for her, really. Even though she hadn't done anything extraordinary, but she had done something which struck me exactly where it should have.
You haven't even asked her name, dumbass!
"Hey, what's your name? Funny that I didn't ask this before."
"I'm an angel."
"Hahahaha. What's your name?"
"Angels don't have names."
Bullshit!
"It's alright if you don't want to tell me. Doesn't matter."
"Okay, cool then. But I am an angel, believe me or not."
I could guess IIT had done something to her mental balance. Couldn't blame her, actually. It does the same to all of us. But her case was obviously a bit over-the-wire. Anyway, we had reached YP by that time.
"So, mister Chatterjee, I have to go now. My destination has a different direction from now on. You're a sweet guy, you know. And handsome too." She winked.
Oh my!
I blushed (c'mon, it was natural). She really was the most gorgeous female I had ever met, without doubt.
"Thanks so much, 'angel!' You've really done me a huge favour. Hope to meet you again, sometime."
"I do not. I only meet people when they are in trouble, you know!"
"Oh, cool then. Let's see if you can avoid me for the next few months. I know a semester-long project lasts for a full semester. Haha." I smirked.
She just smiled, in a 'poor you' way. And patted my back. And walked away towards the direction of the residential apartments. I stood there fixed for some time, confused, but then finally walked away, watching her slender figure disappear in the early morning fog.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning after the MA quiz, I was at the lakeside again, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I couldn't find her anywhere. I didn't see her ever again, even after many attempts to find her in the subsequent mornings. One day I actually went to the Bio-School and inquired about the students doing a semester-long project in the next semester.
There were none.
1. I had my MA-105 end-sem on Monday, and I had more than half of the course left. Talk about hating pure Math.
2. I was there all night, mugging as much I can in GG (Girish Gaitonde lecture hall in the electrical department, for the ignorant lot), and half of what I was reading wasn't going into my head, courtesy of almost two days of sleeplessness.
3. It was 5:45 AM, I was all alone, and was watching the sun rise, yet again for the fifteenth day in a row. The croaking of the innumerable crows outside were making it further difficult for me to concentrate, and I finally decided to go out and have a stroll.
4. No, sleeping was not an option. AT ALL. Do not direct your thoughts in that direction.
5. Out of the many places I could have gone to, I chose the lakeside. Finally some nice, serene place with no disturbance and perfect solitude, I thought.
6. And for the seven million and forty seventh time in my life, I was wrong. Lakeside was buzzing with angry-looking professors, some of them jogging around and some others trying to ape Baba Ramdev.
7. I also noticed Pooja Padhi (our HS-101 Microeconomics Professor) calling out for someone and giving me a disgruntled look. Talk about having a bad start for the day. I wondered how she even remembered my face...I'd hardly attended even 20% of her classes in the whole semester.
8. Pissed, I started moving further down the path which actually leads to the lake, and to the denser tree cover, in the hope of getting some solitude. Everyone other than myself was a piss-off at that point of time. Sleeplessness makes you get irritated quickly and for no reason.
9. I knew there were rumours of leopards roaming around at that part of the lakeside, and it still was quite dark, for there isn't proper sunlight before 6:45 AM in Bombay during winters. I hardly cared. I actually wished I found a leopard or something, for a change. My life was hell boring anyway.
10. Thankfully there was no one there. Apparently Ramdev hadn't taught the professors some exercise to shoo away leopards. I caught a strange glistening insect lingering on a small leaf some way down the side of the lake. I couldn't resist myself and went ahead to have a look.
11. Something happened just then...It wasn't a leopard as I'd anticipated, but was something surely no less dangerous than one, in terms of fatality. A long, brown snake came out right in front of me, from nowhere! It freaked the senses out of me, and as I turned back to run, it was a SLIP! SPLOSH! THUD!, and I was down and out. I looked around to check out the snake, thankfully it wasn't there now. But it surely booked my brand new Benetton T-Shirt for another round to the washing room, plus led to incessant bleeding in my right elbow. Now you know why you can't get unluckier than this, your MA-105 exam being just a little more than 24 hours away. For the next few minutes, I didn't even have the strength to get up. Something inside me wanted me to spend the next few hours lying stomach-down, cursing that unlucky day of January 1991 when the biggest loser ever was born, and tasting some more of the lakeside mud.
"Won't you even care to get up and move away from that filthy place?!".
"No!" I replied, "I don't want to. There's no point, something pathetic will happen to me again. I'm happy being here. At least some poor leopard family will get a week's meal."
Wait!
Why am I telling all that to a dreamy female voice?
Looking up, I saw a female hand extended towards me.
Another result of sleeplessness? I thought.
"Will you get up or not, stupid boy? I don't have all day with me here."
I held her hand and got up immediately. There is something in a strict female voice which makes you lose all your ego.
So she IS real after all, eh!
"Oh my! What a mess you've made of yourself?! And why the heck should you be here at this desolate place at this point of time?"
A scolding was the last thing my already pissed-off brain could have tolerated, that too from a girl.
"I can ask the second question to you too, miss. What are you, being alone, doing here, before the sunlight could even creep in? You came here to save me from the nature's wrath? Eh?"
"Yeah, that's what I came here for. Now would you mind getting out of this place or you want to wait for more wild animals to scare you?"
I didn't reply, just fell into step beside her and followed her out of that wild place. We didn't exchange a word. It was light by then, and now that I could see her more closely, I was awestruck. That, undoubtedly, was the most beautiful face I'd ever seen inside the IIT campus, and probably ever in my life. She was an inch shorter than me, and probably some two or three years older. Of course, she couldn't have been an undergrad there, or she would already have been the talk of the testosterone-charged undergraduate population, something which can hardly escape your ears if you are aware enough. She replied after some two minutes of silence.
"Hey, you're hurt! Here, take this bottle of water and wash your face and whatever else you can. I also have a first-aid kit with me. I keep it handy, whenever I move out for jogging."
She gave me the bottle and a band-aid from her bag.
"Thanks so much! Is someone in your family a Doctor, by the way?" I asked, after getting as much dirt out of my face and T-shirt as I could.
"No. Why?"
"Who on earth keeps a first-aid kit while going out for a casual jog?"
"Hehehe...I prefer being safe."
Somehow, her giggle irritated me more. Every damn thing was irritating.
"So, you're doing B.Tech? First year?"
"Integrated MS. First year, yeah."
"Won't you ask what I do, hero?"
She really was irritating. I'd have preferred being left alone, but then she helped me, and I couldn't have been rude.
"Ok, what do you do here, mademoiselle?"
"I've come here on a semester-long project in the Bio-School, starting from the next semester. I stay at a friend's place whose father is a professor here, so no problem of accommodation you see!"
I never asked her all those details. Hell, I'd caught up with one pesky female. I don't know why her being so beautiful was not affecting me a wee bit.
"Cool. So here comes the gate. You'll go the opposite side no? The professor's buildings are there."
"Nope, I'll go that side, towards the departments. I'm not tired yet, so! You're going that side too na? Good, I'll have some company. I'm usually alone while jogging, you know. Won't mind some company. Hehehe."
Damn!
And that giggle again. Killer. I was doomed.
After another round of silence, she finally broke in.
"So, something is troubling you from the inside, no? Tell me."
I looked at her, surprised.
"Chocolate?" She offered. I shook my head and walked on.
She unwrapped one and stuffed it into my hand. Females could be a thousand times more irritating than boys.
"So go on, tell me everything. What's the problem?"
Silence.
"HeLLO?"
Just keep on walking, and ignore her. She'll shut up automatically. I assured myself. That's the trick, Just keep on walking and be silent.
"Hello mister, I'm talking to you!" She poked my left arm with her over-grown nail.
I'd lost it then. I really had. Enough! I need solitude, and this is not helping me at all.
"What on EARTH is wrong with you? Okay, thanks for helping me and all, but I need SOLITUDE, do you get me? I have my MA-105 exam tomorrow and I haven't slept for the last two days and I got dumped four months ago by a girl whom I'd known for three years. And I'm GETTING IRRITATED BY EVERYTHING. Will you just LEAVE ME ALONE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE? PLEASE?"
Ten odd IIT Bombay professors stopped whatever they were doing, and turned towards us, eyes fixed. Bull! I never intended to be so loud.
Plus, one thing which I hadn't noticed was how close I'd gone to her in my harangue. I could almost observe the contours of her lips.*gulp*
I'd expected her to be mad. I could guess what would've been going through her mind, at that time.
Just look at this guy! I helped him when he was in complete mess, I'm being nice to him and all, and he's shouting at me as if I'm some roadside slut. Why not just kick him at a wrong place for this act of his?
But unexpectedly, she didn't seem to be angry. The professors continued on their usual monotonous routine, and we proceeded out of the lake-side area. I tried looking at her, and she was looking at me. Quizzically, and not crossly as I'd expected. I kept on walking.
I looked at her again, and her expression was the same.
"What?" I asked defensively.
"Nothing. Your chocolate is melting. Eat it."
"Sorry, I shouldn't have shouted."
"It's ok, mister tormented_by_life. And you still haven't answered my question."
sigh
"Told you no, exams and all. Academic pressure, when all you've studied throughout the semester is Philosophy and Arms & Ammunition and Pakistani music history instead of MA-105."
"Ahh. As if this is something new for you, mister Chatterjee. You've been doing this all your life, studying just before your exams. Spare this, and tell me about what happened with the girl."
"How in the name of crazy apples do you know.......??"
"Tell me, quick. I don't have much time. I'll move in a different direction from the YP gate, and that's where we are headed to right now, I feel."
Holy crap! This can't be happening to me. Just. Can't.
"SPEAK UP!"
"The usual story, sort of. We had been good friends for some two years, and been together for a year. Then she went to a different place. She changed, I didn't. I became a loser for her, someone who only cribs and is not 'fun' to be with and stuff. She thought other guys there were a lot cooler than me, she thought she was naive to have even liked me in the first place. She wanted to enjoy life and all...so, you know, she said I should start minding my own business from then on. In brief, this is all I can say."
"Aww...that's sad. But it's four months, dude. Shouldn't this have been enough for you to forget her?"
"You say this because you've never been through what I have been. Saying is way too easy, miss."
"So you still love her or something?"
"NO! That would be the most stupid thing I could do. It's over, finished! Gone!"
"Then you hate her because she's been a bitch?"
"No. I don't hate her or anything. She was a nice girl, and she had her reasons, and they were valid enough for her. Why should she become a bitch for wanting to be happy? Naah...nothing like that."
"No love. No hate. Then what the hell is the problem with you?"
"I don't know. Maybe I just want her to...apologize or something. For whatever she's made me go through."
"So you'll continue to be pissed until she apologizes, and literally be a loser."
Silence again.
"Honestly, you know, I don't even want her to apologize." I was looking at her now, and twisted my lips into smile, before continuing. "C'mon! that's not a big thing. It's really stupid, expecting her to apologize when she doesn't care, for a doughnut's sake!"
"You've thought out everything rationally enough. You have enough sense to know what is right. You have convinced yourself that you're being stupid, and you want to move on. WHY THE HELL should you be tormented then, and have no life, my dear boy?"
I knew she was right. Hell, I knew I was right!
Really, why the heck should I be??
We walked silently for the next few minutes. YP was visible by now. I looked at her. She smiled, and I smiled back. Suddenly, I was feeling...free! No irritation. The early morning felt pleasing. The trees, sparrows, pigeons, everything was as nice as before! I was flushed with gratitude for her, really. Even though she hadn't done anything extraordinary, but she had done something which struck me exactly where it should have.
You haven't even asked her name, dumbass!
"Hey, what's your name? Funny that I didn't ask this before."
"I'm an angel."
"Hahahaha. What's your name?"
"Angels don't have names."
Bullshit!
"It's alright if you don't want to tell me. Doesn't matter."
"Okay, cool then. But I am an angel, believe me or not."
I could guess IIT had done something to her mental balance. Couldn't blame her, actually. It does the same to all of us. But her case was obviously a bit over-the-wire. Anyway, we had reached YP by that time.
"So, mister Chatterjee, I have to go now. My destination has a different direction from now on. You're a sweet guy, you know. And handsome too." She winked.
Oh my!
I blushed (c'mon, it was natural). She really was the most gorgeous female I had ever met, without doubt.
"Thanks so much, 'angel!' You've really done me a huge favour. Hope to meet you again, sometime."
"I do not. I only meet people when they are in trouble, you know!"
"Oh, cool then. Let's see if you can avoid me for the next few months. I know a semester-long project lasts for a full semester. Haha." I smirked.
She just smiled, in a 'poor you' way. And patted my back. And walked away towards the direction of the residential apartments. I stood there fixed for some time, confused, but then finally walked away, watching her slender figure disappear in the early morning fog.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning after the MA quiz, I was at the lakeside again, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I couldn't find her anywhere. I didn't see her ever again, even after many attempts to find her in the subsequent mornings. One day I actually went to the Bio-School and inquired about the students doing a semester-long project in the next semester.
There were none.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Dotty Papers. :)
It's our own little world, you know, just me and you in here.
No one else even cares, you know, no one even thinks about us, I say.
And yet we strive, strive hard to make this little world of ours, as lovely as possible.
Because when it's me and you, baby, it's got to be the best.
Best trees, best streams, best birds, and of course...the best food. ;)
They say it's gibberish, I say...do we care?
They say it's not practical, I say...does it need to be one?
They say it's only a dream, I say...are dreams not fascinating?
It's good to be into something which only we can understand,
for then there is no one to disturb us with their nonsense. :D
I say, you're my sunshine.
I'm wrong, you're my sun. :)
No one else even cares, you know, no one even thinks about us, I say.
And yet we strive, strive hard to make this little world of ours, as lovely as possible.
Because when it's me and you, baby, it's got to be the best.
Best trees, best streams, best birds, and of course...the best food. ;)
They say it's gibberish, I say...do we care?
They say it's not practical, I say...does it need to be one?
They say it's only a dream, I say...are dreams not fascinating?
It's good to be into something which only we can understand,
for then there is no one to disturb us with their nonsense. :D
I say, you're my sunshine.
I'm wrong, you're my sun. :)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Part I: The Incident. The End.
"I'm not happy with you, Kshitij. Is that not enough? I know it hurts, but at times you have to be selfish. And please be quick, I don't have much balance and I can't recharge now."
I had not seen this coming so soon, no. Alright, I was aware that things were not going right. But I had always thought that everything would be great again, all problems will be sorted out in a single day, and life will be great as ever between me and Ritz.
I didn't know how to react to that. Tears started flowing incessantly. My throat was choked. I wanted to say a thousand things but nothing came out.
"Please, Ritu, don't do this. It's just a small problem. All will be great as ever again. Please, I'll change. Give me one more chance, please! I beg of you."
The usual story, begging, crying, pleading for one more chance, promising to change.
"It's over, Kshitij. It's not working now. I can't give you so much of my time everyday, you're too demanding. Frankly, I'm sick of all these obligations of talking and calling. I don't think we're destined to be together, Kshitij. It's not due to only some reasons. Please try to understand. I'm not happy with you, is that not enough for a reason?"
Those are the times when you hardly have any power of reasoning left in you. Those typical "Why? why? why?" and "Why me?"s are what engulf your mind.
"Don't do this to me, Ritz, please. I love you so much, still. I'll be shattered to death. Things can always work out. You're just angry, Ritu. Just cool down a bit, okay? Please. You're not in your senses. You're not like my Ritu. Just think over all of it again, Ritz, don't take this harsh a decision just because you're angry or pissed. Okay baby?"
"I'm sorry, Kshitij. I AM in my complete senses. And I have thought over it a thousand times. I'm not going to change my decision now at any cost. Accept the reality, will you? I don't love you any more. And honestly, I think I never did love you. I thought that I loved you, but I didn't. And stop all this 'love, feelings' crap, will you? Stop being so immature. You'll get loads of better girls than me, okay? Please, Kshitij, forget me and move on. Swear at me if that would help. I can say nothing more. My friends are waiting for me. I don't have time now."
I was crying like a wailing baby now. I had lost all senses of control, crossed all limits of sorrow. I think only the death of a loved one can come closer to the amount of gloom one gets in while being dumped like this.
I tried to say something, but all that came out was a faint "Pleeasse, Ritu, don't do this, please. For my sake. Don't be so selfish. I still love you Ritu, more than ever. Please, try to understand. Pleeaasee!"
I don't know how much I pleaded to her, in a last glimmer of a seemingly lost hope. But you can't always delay the inevitable each time. Life is sadly, not a bed of roses.
"YOU try to understand Kshitij. I don't want to talk about all that any more. It's over, and I have a life to live. Don't irritate me now by discussing it further, please. Just focus on your own life and let me foocus on mine. We can still be friends if you want. And for heaven's sake LET ME GO now, I'm getting late and I have some work with Abhay and he's getting pissed at me for being on the phone for so long."
The tide of hopelessness had swept in. Maybe some anger too, at the mention of that guy. How can some freaking Abhay get pissed when MY Ritu talks with ME?. I don't think she'd give a damn to any Abhay or Vijay or whoever while talking to me. Oh, how can she change so much? Is this real? Is this a dream? Will things be great again when I wake up tomorrow? I literally pinched myself. But that was stupid, even in any amount of senselessness.
I had stopped crying by then, and held myself up a bit. Some sense came back, and I turned more serious.
"Alright Ritu, I'm sorry to have taken up your time. Please forgive me for this, and for all the times I've made you feel bad. I really am very sorry."
"I have no time for your sarcasm, Kshitij. I'm hanging up now."
Blurting a sarcastic comment was obviously one of the worst thing to do at that time, but some things never change.
"Alright, just tell me one last thing. Is there some other guy involved? Please, Ritu, answer honestly if you've ever felt any wee bit of a thing for me."
"Why would YOU bother now, Kshitij? I don't understand. And anyway, other guy or anyone else has nothing to do with why I decided to break up. I gave you my reasons earlier, and those are the real reasons. Think whatever you want to now, I'm tired of explaining. I don't want to talk about all this, and don't call me back now. Bye! Take care."
And she hung up.
For some minutes I was completely emotionless. On the roof of the hostel, I was alone, beneath the starry night, staring at the stars. Enjoying their beauty, there were so many of them! What were we, insignificant human beings on an insignificant planet, smaller than the smallest quark with respect to the grand, majestic and indefinite universe. I laughed, laughed heartily, because of no reason. All of that was so stupid. All these emotions, crying, love, bla bla bla. I thought nothing more about the convo at that time. There was a cool breeze blowing, which was soothing my nerves. I went back to my room. Fatso was fast asleep. I rolled up my mattress and the bed-sheet, and took it somehow up the roof. Spreading it up, I slept to a hearty night's sleep. All was pleasant, calm and serene. Maybe all of that was really a dream, after all. There was nothing to worry about. Not a worry in the world.
I had not seen this coming so soon, no. Alright, I was aware that things were not going right. But I had always thought that everything would be great again, all problems will be sorted out in a single day, and life will be great as ever between me and Ritz.
I didn't know how to react to that. Tears started flowing incessantly. My throat was choked. I wanted to say a thousand things but nothing came out.
"Please, Ritu, don't do this. It's just a small problem. All will be great as ever again. Please, I'll change. Give me one more chance, please! I beg of you."
The usual story, begging, crying, pleading for one more chance, promising to change.
"It's over, Kshitij. It's not working now. I can't give you so much of my time everyday, you're too demanding. Frankly, I'm sick of all these obligations of talking and calling. I don't think we're destined to be together, Kshitij. It's not due to only some reasons. Please try to understand. I'm not happy with you, is that not enough for a reason?"
Those are the times when you hardly have any power of reasoning left in you. Those typical "Why? why? why?" and "Why me?"s are what engulf your mind.
"Don't do this to me, Ritz, please. I love you so much, still. I'll be shattered to death. Things can always work out. You're just angry, Ritu. Just cool down a bit, okay? Please. You're not in your senses. You're not like my Ritu. Just think over all of it again, Ritz, don't take this harsh a decision just because you're angry or pissed. Okay baby?"
"I'm sorry, Kshitij. I AM in my complete senses. And I have thought over it a thousand times. I'm not going to change my decision now at any cost. Accept the reality, will you? I don't love you any more. And honestly, I think I never did love you. I thought that I loved you, but I didn't. And stop all this 'love, feelings' crap, will you? Stop being so immature. You'll get loads of better girls than me, okay? Please, Kshitij, forget me and move on. Swear at me if that would help. I can say nothing more. My friends are waiting for me. I don't have time now."
I was crying like a wailing baby now. I had lost all senses of control, crossed all limits of sorrow. I think only the death of a loved one can come closer to the amount of gloom one gets in while being dumped like this.
I tried to say something, but all that came out was a faint "Pleeasse, Ritu, don't do this, please. For my sake. Don't be so selfish. I still love you Ritu, more than ever. Please, try to understand. Pleeaasee!"
I don't know how much I pleaded to her, in a last glimmer of a seemingly lost hope. But you can't always delay the inevitable each time. Life is sadly, not a bed of roses.
"YOU try to understand Kshitij. I don't want to talk about all that any more. It's over, and I have a life to live. Don't irritate me now by discussing it further, please. Just focus on your own life and let me foocus on mine. We can still be friends if you want. And for heaven's sake LET ME GO now, I'm getting late and I have some work with Abhay and he's getting pissed at me for being on the phone for so long."
The tide of hopelessness had swept in. Maybe some anger too, at the mention of that guy. How can some freaking Abhay get pissed when MY Ritu talks with ME?. I don't think she'd give a damn to any Abhay or Vijay or whoever while talking to me. Oh, how can she change so much? Is this real? Is this a dream? Will things be great again when I wake up tomorrow? I literally pinched myself. But that was stupid, even in any amount of senselessness.
I had stopped crying by then, and held myself up a bit. Some sense came back, and I turned more serious.
"Alright Ritu, I'm sorry to have taken up your time. Please forgive me for this, and for all the times I've made you feel bad. I really am very sorry."
"I have no time for your sarcasm, Kshitij. I'm hanging up now."
Blurting a sarcastic comment was obviously one of the worst thing to do at that time, but some things never change.
"Alright, just tell me one last thing. Is there some other guy involved? Please, Ritu, answer honestly if you've ever felt any wee bit of a thing for me."
"Why would YOU bother now, Kshitij? I don't understand. And anyway, other guy or anyone else has nothing to do with why I decided to break up. I gave you my reasons earlier, and those are the real reasons. Think whatever you want to now, I'm tired of explaining. I don't want to talk about all this, and don't call me back now. Bye! Take care."
And she hung up.
For some minutes I was completely emotionless. On the roof of the hostel, I was alone, beneath the starry night, staring at the stars. Enjoying their beauty, there were so many of them! What were we, insignificant human beings on an insignificant planet, smaller than the smallest quark with respect to the grand, majestic and indefinite universe. I laughed, laughed heartily, because of no reason. All of that was so stupid. All these emotions, crying, love, bla bla bla. I thought nothing more about the convo at that time. There was a cool breeze blowing, which was soothing my nerves. I went back to my room. Fatso was fast asleep. I rolled up my mattress and the bed-sheet, and took it somehow up the roof. Spreading it up, I slept to a hearty night's sleep. All was pleasant, calm and serene. Maybe all of that was really a dream, after all. There was nothing to worry about. Not a worry in the world.
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