It all started when, after one full week of looking like a bonobo, I finally decided to shave off my beard and be a human once again. For a change. At times, not having a girlfriend makes you care shit about your appearance. Don't know if it was the effect of being horrified by an eight-feet long poisonous snake early in the morning languishing outside my room, which might have shot my mind somewhere. Who can forget Himanshu's petrified cries of "Abey! Saanp hai wing mein! Aath feet lamba! Jaldi aa! Jaldi aa!", waking me up from a meagre two and a half hours of mosquito-ridden sleep.
Anyway, I lazied off to the basin area with my shaving kit. I didn't put on a tee and just hoped Arpan won't hop out of his room with his "Hey, sexy!" remarks and that coquettish smile. Thankfully Arpan was busy staring at the pics of his self-proclaimed "queen of the campus." Frankly speaking I didn't find her even close to being the queen of anything. Except maybe the queen of not having, ahem, some elementary things.
Then came the first mistake of the day, which was not looking at your effing watch when you have one at a distance of 28.5 cm from your eyes. The 8:30 A.M. MA-105 lecture was, of course, supposed to be bunked that day, because apparently UK's nonchalant cries of "Green! Stoke! Divergence! Attendance! Sudesh (yeah right)!" were not something one would love to start one's day with. Except of course, some dickheads for whom not sitting on the first row was as good as not attending the class itself. I mean, c'mon, you know math and all, okay, you were in the IMO camp, excellent. But why the heck should you use so many "Yeah! YEAH! yEAH! and yEAh!"s in your speech for no apparent reason other than shooting some random bull? Bloody Ghatis (no offense meant, believe me or not). You know English, but why show off? So MUCH? Dumbfucks.
Yeah so, coming back to the basin area (I'm suddenly reminded of 8th standard Geography here. Strange), I finally cared to stare at my watch, and it was 10:25! Goddamn hell! Sunoj's CH-103 lecture at 10:30!! Couldn't miss it that day at any cost. I'd already missed the last lecture and had to attend this one, because Sunoj's uploaded slides contained absolutely nothing of importance. I mean, who on earth wanted to know how to draw arrows from one compound to the other for chrissake? "Arrows are one of the most important things in Organic Chemistry", declared professor R.B. Sunoj, one fine morning. Yeah, definitely. That's what is most important. Rat's ass.
And I so wanted to shave properly that day, I swear! But then, "Life's not always fair, my child," I echoed those pravachans of Deepak Phatak in my ears and finished shaving in a record three and a half minutes. And cut myself under the lower lip. Putting as much of my lower lip inside my mouth as possible I palpitated back to the room. I checked for Himanshu et al in the nearby rooms, and they were all gone. Bloody bastards, I have got one sadist bunch of batch-mates with me, I tell you. Couldn't at least one of them wait for poor me? Screw 'em all.
I put on the only set of washed clothes I still had remaining and any random deodorant I could lay my hands on. Yes, I do sweat a lot. As always, no rickshaw or bus when you need one. Having a bicycle in IITB is a waste anyway, the place is so hilly that you'll have to pull your cycle half the time, rather than the other way round. Finally I reached the lecture theatre, tired and panting. And it was at that very moment timed 10:53 A.M. that I committed the second mistake of the day, entering LT through the front door when the back door would have been a lot less attention seeking. I entered to be welcomed with a guffaw and chants of "aa gaye hero! aa gaye! aa gaye!" by those lifeless rascals who just en-cashed on any goddamn opportunity to create a ruckus during the lecture. And then came, as expected, Sunoj with his uber-pathetic attempts to sarcasm, "Welcome! Welcome to CH-103! Look at the clock, my boy, there. Only thirty minutes late. Now that's not a big deal. Sit, sit. Enjoy yourself. I don't give marks for attendance anyway." I was about to defend myself and correct him by reminding that I was twenty five, not thirty minutes late. But some good sense warned me from doing so. I fumbled on the first empty seat I could lay my ass on, flustered to perfection. There went the next thirty minutes of my attention as well. I could as well have bunked the lecture and slept pretty, minus the embarrassment. Fuck.
Coming back to the hostel, lunch was pathetic. Monday lunches. I skipped, coz I didn't have an appetite for the canteen stuff either. And then I entered room no. 290. Arpan's laptop fortunately wasn't busy with Karthik sitting crooked and staring at the screen for no apparent reason whatsoever, which is the usual case, and I started doing some random shit online. And then at 4:55 there came Ketava Mehta's call, which reminded me of the third mistake of the day, not sleeping even when you're dead sleepy and doing random bull on the internet instead. Monseigneur Ketava reminded me of the NSO swimming endurance test, which was to start in another FREAKING HALF AN HOUR, and which involved swimming continuously for one hour, without stopping anywhere. The only problem with me was that I had hardly slept the entire night, plus I'd wasted the afternoon doing, as I mentioned earlier, some random shit online, without sleeping for a second, and that I felt I would be DEAD if anyone made me swim for fifteen minutes. One freaking hour. I was so dead.
Seven thirty and I was back after the endurance test, swimming a decent 1.6 kms without a single stop. And I was alive. Just that I felt like a complete lunatic. The same feeling one would have after gulping down two quarters of neat Smirnoff. And I was hungry. And sleepy. Actually, dead hungry and dead sleepy. Being more of the sleeping kind, I just fell on my bed. Damn! I actually fell on Patil, who was already sleeping there, on MY bed under MY bedsheet. I just hoped he didn't mind much. You're in for some serious problems if your roomie suspects that you have a thing for him. Anyway, I remember shooting him some bull as an explanation towards my strange behaviour, and pleading him to sleep somewhere else. He agreed immediately, and I slept my heart out. Patil is a nice roomie. A really nice roomie.
7 comments:
its strangely reality of our campus rather our wing which boasts of some lifeless, some too lively, some flamboyant and some uber-cool(like me and anupam)..but dude the last thing .. were u nt sleeping in my room those days... think abt it that comfy ,one in the all, low rise bed..huh.....
Abey as far as I remember your room was locked at that time. Harshvardhan was out and you were down or something like that. Of course, your bed is an antique in itself. ;)
This one outdoes the last. Hahaha! 'Elementary things'? And yes, as I've always maintained, bisexuality rocks!
atleast you got a decent roomie...
this one dismal night i was back from a night-out at around 5 in the morning (endsems had ended you see) and when i entered my room i found out much to my chagrin that my roomie was sleeping on my bed while his own bed was packed off inside the cupboard as he was to go off in the morning!
had to share a bed with a friend of mine...
This however raises several important social issues:
1. Are sizeable bazoombas really necessary for a girl to have high sex appeal?
2. Should IITians be coached on bedroom etiquette?
3. Is this comment dumb enough?
1) Depends on the case at hand. I mean, you usually can't generalize on "these" things. Honestly.
2) If they are, what about cases like Rahul Sharma? Won't it be just a waste of time for people like them?
3) I can't get anything other than a "yes" as an answer to this, however hard I try. :P
Bedroom etiquette as in 'not invading someone's bed and forcing him to sleep somewhere else instead'. But I see your point too.
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